It is no secret among my friends and loved ones that I am sucker for a good coordinated dance number.
I love coordinated dance numbers in the way that only a klutzy white girl with no dance talent can. If a movie – any movie – includes a dance number, it is automatically ten percent better in my eyes. And if it’s a movie based on a musical, I have just one rule: nail the big dance numbers. If you nail the big dance numbers, I will swallow whatever half-baked plotline you’ve got hook, line and sinker.
Starring: Bebe Neuwirth, Megan Mullally, Naturi Naughton
Written by: Allison Burnett
Rated: PG
Which is why going to see “Fame” was so dreadfully disappointing. The film, based off of a musical, 80s film and TV show, should have been a slam dunk. Young, bright-eyed singers, dancers and actors! Big New York performance art school! Bebe Neuwirth! Debbie freaking Allen!! All director Kevin Tanchareon had to do was round up a group of talented teenagers who were willing to play themselves, turn on a camera and go.
What I don’t understand is the decision Tancharoen made to give the most screen time and dramatic arch to Jenny (Kay Panabaker) and Marco (Asher Book), possibly the two most boring theater kids I have ever come across in my entire life. It isn’t just that they’re not terribly good actors (though they’re not). It’s that they can’t even sing or dance, and have absolutely no cinematic presence. Book has generic boy band good looks, and we never actually see Panabaker’s character learning acting, the art she professes to be so passionate about. One awkward scene has our white bread heroine almost seduced by a big-time TV star during an “audition” (my favorite line in the entire film: as the actor paws ferociously at her sweater in front of a video camera, she asks indignantly, “Is this even a casting meeting?!”)
The most talented one among the teens is Naturi Naughton, who has a wonderful voice and actually seems to know how to play the piano. Naughton, as the sheltered Denise, is an R&B singer with strict command of her voice. Her acting is ho-hum, but she’s at least able to keep us a little interested.
Interestingly enough it is the teachers of the Performing Arts school that captivate the most attention, though all of them are underused. There’s nothing better than watching Megan Mullally make vocal love to “You Took Advantage of Me” or Debbie Allen be her resplendent, timeless self. The most honest moment in the film comes when Bebe Neuwirth, who plays the school’s ballet teacher, gently and compassionately tells a boy from Iowa that he’s just not a strong enough dancer to actually make a living at it. “But I work harder than anyone else here” he pleads, blasting apart the usual lie that if you work hard enough and want it enough than you’ll succeed.
But the movie doesn’t make us care about the boy from Iowa, or any of the other kids for that matter. We’re supposed to be rooting for them to succeed, but I don’t think I understood who any of them really were. Why do I care that the bitchy girl got into Complexions, when her character’s so pallid and generic I can’t even remember her name?
As to the dance numbers: A few of them were pretty good, especially a beautifully realized number set at a Halloween party. But none of them made me want to applaud. And the songs, which have been reconstituted for more of a hip-hop vibe, are generally showcased in the film but really seem more like background noise. I know Tanchareon was going for a grittier aesthetic, but the result is a little listless, as if they’re only begrudgingly breaking into song.
The whole idea behind the modern musical is that whatever you’re feeling is so powerful it can only be conveyed by belting out a high C. I love coordinated dance numbers because sometimes I want to pirouette my feelings. But I have a hard time believing that any of these characters feel anything so strongly they needed jazz hands to explain. In the end they’re just empty bodies on a stage.