Hi Neely,
I’m kind of exhausted with dating. I feel like Kristin Davis’ character Charlotte in Sex and the City when she said, “I’ve been dating since I was 15. Where is he already? I’m exhausted.” I’m a 33-year-old woman. I own my own condo and have a great job. I have great friends and take amazing vacations. But I want to settle down and meet someone. I want to have kids and a family. I can feel my biological clock ticking practically every day. I don’t want to settle for someone just to have children and get married – I could never be happy with someone I didn’t really love. I’d rather be alone than settle. But I still can’t help but feel panicked and scared at the thought of being by myself forever, while all my friends start to pair up, have kids, and move to the burbs. Do you have any helpful advice for me?
Scared to settle, Cambridge
Submit your dating/relationship questions to neely@blastmagazine.com. And don’t forget to check out my website: neelysteinberg.com.
Takeaways
- 23 seconds: You’re not alone!
- 35 seconds: I am dishing out some tough love: I know you’re exhausted, but you’ve got to suck it up if you want to get what you want!
- 1:00: Let’s talk about the word ‘settle.’ Nobody wants to feel they are settling for someone. We want it all in the 21st century!
- 1:34: Look at a city like Manhattan. People take a lot longer to settle down there. The city is filled with so many beautiful, successful men and women, and everyone is looking for the next best thing, to find someone better. It’s the paradox of choice.
- 1:45: Years later, when they’re still single they realize they probably turned away some really great people for an illusion.
- 1:56: Perfect and ideal doesn’t exist.
- 2:03: If you found someone with whom you’re compatible and want a long-term relationship, there isn’t anybody better out there for you.
- 2:19: Settling isn’t about failure or mediocrity. Let’s change the way you think about the word settling.
- 2:30: Think of 5 fundamental qualities in a mate that you can’t live without and throw out the rest of your list.
- 3:26: I’m not advocating settling for someone you can’t stand to be around, but I just want you to think about readjusting your definition of settling, especially if you’re ready to settle down and want biological children. Think about what is really important to you and don’t lose sight of that.